Get Out of Your Own Head

When the gremlins get in your way...

For me, one of my greatest struggles is/was getting out of my own head. I would replay a conversation or event over and over again, and my inner critic (aka Survival Brain) or gremlin 😈 would come out - criticizing things I could have said or done but didn’t, could have done better, or shouldn’t have done at all. My tone, my posture, my approach, the outcome. It was exhausting and paralyzing. When I got wrapped around the axle like this, I wasted a lot of time stewing on what could have been or what will be. I can even remember whole weekends that I wasted/sacrificed time with my family to stew. I was with them, but I wasn't present – if that makes sense. It didn't benefit or serve them or me. And worse, I bet the other person didn't think about it at all!

It is actually a common affliction for many of us. There are lots of books and articles on the subject.

If the gremlin sneaks in, take a look at Taming Your Gremlin by Rick Carson. As the subtitle indicates, it’s a “Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way”.

Rick Carson offers some simple techniques to break out of this cycle. It’s an ongoing practice but once I started employing these techniques, I’ve wasted much less time. I can recognize when it’s happening, break myself out of it, and shift from dwelling on things I cannot control to focusing on things I can control – or things I'd rather do/think about/enjoy. It’s very empowering. As I type this, I can't think of when I last wasted time replaying events – I move right through this cycle.

It brings to mind the Air Force OODA loop: observe-orient-decide-act; and it works. The key is teaching yourself, or perhaps the word is "training" yourself, through repetitive practice, to go through this cycle as quickly as possible.

• Observe – Notice that your inner critic is talking to you. Listen objectively to understand what it is saying but not to agree with it. For example, I visualize myself watching a conversation from a distance. When you establish this separation, this detachment, you create space for yourself to make choice.
• Orient – Look for different perspectives associated with the critic and its “advice”. Remember that this is merely a voice in your head, it is not fact. It is not a foregone conclusion. You have a choice to make with respect to its “advice”. And you have a choice to make with respect to whether or not you want to allow the critic to keep talking.
• Decide – Determine what you would like to do about its “advice”. What pieces of the advice serve you and which are unhelpful.
• Act – Follow through on your decision. Dismiss the critic – your gremlin. Send it packing. For me, I often envision myself stuffing my gremlin into a hot air balloon basket and giving it a big shove into a strong wind. The wind whisks the balloon off, the gremlin’s voice quiets, and I get on with my day. I will even make a big hand gesture and swat the balloon in my mind’s eye. This has the added benefit of bringing more of my physical being into my commitment to send the gremlin away and often puts a big grin on my face, making me laugh at the silliness of the gesture. But you know what? That makes the technique work even better – breaking the negative spell and adding laughter to the situation.
• Repeat – As often as necessary cycle through these steps. It may take a few times to take positive control of your thoughts, especially if the issue conflicts with your personal values.

Hope you find this helpful! And if not, then at least you got to peek into my head – please don't judge me too harshly, we all are works in progress! 😉